5 ways that Counselling can help Parents or Parents to be

Becoming a parent is one of the most transformative events within the life cycle of a family.

Whilst being a parent is fulfilling and brings meaning, joy and purpose to your life. It may also feel world shaking. For mothers or birthing parents, the changes may be felt physically within your body, or for all parents within your identity, freedom and the opportunities afforded to you.

Here are 5 areas in which Counselling can support parents or parents to be:

1.   Adjusting to Parenting

You may be reading this as new parent, or a person who is about to become a parent. Adjusting to parenting can mean adjusting to a new identity. As your new baby becomes the centre of your world, this often means a restructuring of your identity. Welcoming the new parts of yourself and leaving some old parts behind.

This may feel confusing or sad. New parents, or even parents to be, often report feeling they have lost themselves or their identity. For some the adaptation to parenting may in part be experienced as a grief or feelings of loss for their lives before. This can often be followed by feelings of guilt of not ‘enjoying every minute’ or feeling grateful enough for your new baby.

There is space for both feelings. Feelings or loss and yearning for the past you, whilst experiencing joy, love and gratitude for the present. Sometimes the transition to parenting can just be a period of adjustment in which you should practice kindness and compassion for yourself. It may be that naturally you begin to adjust to your new identity in time.

However, if you feel you need extra support counselling can be useful to explore your feelings surrounding your new identity and work towards an understanding and acceptance, or it may just act as a space to figure out and explore who you feel you are. Contact me here for more information.

2.   Postpartum mental health (Anxiety, Depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder)

The hormonal and physiological changes to your body and the overwhelming feelings for your new baby alongside, sleep deprivation and juggling your own expectations and those of friends and family can understandably lead to difficulties within your mental health.

If you have previously suffered from anxiety or depression, you may be at greater risk of developing difficulties within your mental health during or following the birth of your child.

Feelings of anxiety, depression or obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours may be exacerbated by the expectations we have of ourselves to fulfil our roles of parents. Often others may misunderstand how you are feeling which can sometimes act to perpetuate difficulties. For example, encouraging you to do more than you feel able, or comparing their own experiences to your own which might feel dismissive, invalidating and compound difficult feelings.

If you are suffering from postpartum anxiety, depression or OCD you should seek support your health visitor and GP. There are specialist perinatal services in the NHS which you may be able access to support your mental health and wellbeing in these circumstances. This includes therapeutic support dependent on the severity of your difficulties.

If you are unable to access NHS services and would instead like to access private counselling for these feelings and experiences, this can be facilitated dependent on an initial assessment to ensure this feels a safe and appropriate option for your circumstances. Contact me here for more information.

3.   Break cycles of Generational Trauma

What we learn and understand from parenting can often stem from our own experiences of parenting. This can be on an individual level from our parents, but also from shared experiences of generational parenting practices which are accepted as the norm within set periods of time until practices change between generations.

Despite whether we feel we have a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ childhood, we are often aware of what has occurred within our own childhoods that we do not wish to repeat with our own children. However, knowing how we do not wish to parent and then putting this into practice within our parenting can be two separate things.

It may also be difficult negotiating how you want to parent instead. For example, a person who has grown up with very strict parents may feel they want to remove all rules and boundaries for their own child. However, this may be a reaction to their own feelings surrounding rules and discipline, rather than an objective decision of what best suits the needs of their child.

Often to truly break generational cycles and understand our own values and wants objectively from our experiences. We need to work on processing feelings surrounding our past experiences. Once we feel a sense of peace and acceptance it can make fit eel easier to make objective and emotion free decision making to meet the needs of our child.

Counselling can act as a safe space in which you can speak about, process, feel and respond to your own experiences of parenting, whilst also providing a safe space to reflect upon your own practices as a parent without judgement. Contact me here for more information.

4.   Feelings of ‘not being good enough’

The availability of access to information and research regarding parenting and child development may leave you feeling overwhelmed. It may also impact on your own confidence as a parent and leave you flip flopping between parenting approaches. All these feelings can be exacerbated by the presence of social media. Whilst social media can be an outlet of peer support and connection, it can also be a place which presents unrealistic ideals of parenting which often aren’t achievable.

Being bombarded with all this information can impact confidence in our parenting and ultimately leave us feeling that we are a not ‘good enough’ and or that we are getting things wrong.

If you find yourself often experiencing these feelings, I recommend giving yourself compassion and kindness. Remembering that nobody is perfect, and mistakes are part of being human. Modelling mistake making and apologising when things don’t go right, also provides learning opportunities for our children. That as parents we can acknowledge when we get it wrong, and that we have the same grace in allowing our children to make mistakes.

However, if you are experiencing chronic feelings of failure, low confidence and esteem. Counselling can act as a safe space to explore and reflect upon your feeling alongside working to build up your confidence. Contact me here for more information.

5.   Emotional Regulation skills

Emotional regulation skills refer to our abilities to recognise, respond to and manage our emotions in healthy and functional ways.

The development of our own emotional regulation skills will be dependent on a variety of reasons and experiences:

-       It can be impacted by what we learn from our parents in how they manage their emotions.

-       From our individual differences, this includes differences in personalities and presence of conditions which may impact our ability to interpret, understand and respond to our emotions such as Learning disabilities or difficulties, Autism or ADHD.

-       And also your immediate environment. It may be that at times you feel better able to regulate yourself than at other times. Our social environment, life events and what the resources we have access to at any given time e.g. time and finances can impact on our capacity to regulate our emotions. Over or under sensory stimulation can also impact on how we are able to regulate ourselves.

Understanding what helps you to feel calm and grounded, and making time to access regular self-care into your weekly routine can be a proactive way to allow you to regulate your emotions more effectively.

However, Counselling can also be an opportunity to work on your abilities to recognise and understand your emotions, alongside working upon and practicing coping skills.

Counselling for parents near me

I hope you found this information about how counselling may be beneficial to parenting helpful. If you think accessing counselling may be able to help you , please contact me here or email me at hello@hlcounselling.co.uk